Relationship

From August 4, 2008:

I have found that the word relationship has more meaning than so many words in our language.  It is a word that can be defined in many different ways by many different people.  In 1828, Noah Webster defined relationship as, “The state of being related by kindred, affinity or other alliance.”  The state of being related… Related means “Allied by kindred; connected by blood or alliance, particularly by consanguinity…”  Relationship is about family, according to Mr. Webster, but I also think it’s about something deeper than that.  I think the deeper part is tied into that word alliance.  When you think of an alliance, what picture comes to mind?  I see two people shaking hands forming an agreement or a group of people that are fighting for the same thing.  Several other images come to mind, but you get the idea.  Relationship is about being connected to other people.  How can you become and stay connected to others?  How can you form that alliance?  The thing that strikes me is that the whole thing is a continual process.  It’s active and changing, growing and shrinking, and constantly altering.  Relationship is a process because you need to take the time to make the effort to connect, to reach out, to water and nourish what you have.  It isn’t easy.  In fact, it is downright difficult and sometimes feels incredibly close to impossible.  Relationships are essential to so much of life.  Even if you are an introverted individual, relationship is a word that follows you around and that you need in your life.  This is how you stay connected and involved and interested in the things of life.

I have found that in the last few years relationship has come to be a hard word for me in a lot of ways.  Why?  It comes down to several factors.  I want relationship with others, particularly a close lady friend.  I want to maintain my relationship with friends in Minnesota.  I want to have relationship with my family in different locales across the country.  I want to nourish my relationship with my husband.  I want to grow closer and deeper in relationship to my Heavenly Father.  This all sounds wonderful, and I deeply want the things I’ve listed above.  The problem that I’ve found is that time (or lack thereof) gets in the way.  Time!  It’s a good thing that we need, but it causes headaches, anxiety, and general chaos.  Not only does time (and laziness) get in the way, but then there’s the issue of reciprocation.  These are all reasons why relationship is a hard word for me.  I long for the pretty crystal figurine in the window, but I know how much money is in my pocket, how many chores I need to do to put more money there, and how little room I’m willing to give up for it.

The question really is:  How much am I willing to spend for something that is so critically important?  How much am I willing to give to relationship?  It can be a question that we don’t want to answer.  We don’t want to think about the acquaintances, friends, and family around us who are in need of relationship.  We think about the schedule for the next three weeks and realize that there just isn’t time to pencil in another coffee date or phone call or letter to write.  So where does that leave us?  In one of two places:  with a circle-shaped void in our life that we cannot fill with a square-shaped filler or with the desire to make a change and find a way to include relationship in our life.  I think of something that I heard recently about Jesus.  I don’t remember precisely what it was that I heard, but I remember someone mentioning Mary, Martha, and Lazarus.  Where did Jesus go when he needed time away from the crowds and time to be refreshed?  Yes, he went away by himself to pray, but he also found his way to the home of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus.  He went to his friends, his haven, his relationship.  He went where he knew he could not only be himself, but where he had people who cared for him and looked out for him as well.  Why?  I’m not entirely sure why he went there, but it seems to me that one thing we can learn from Jesus is the importance of relationship.  He had it with his friends (Mary, Martha, and Lazarus), with his disciples, with his family, with the crowds, and with his Father.  He had relationship on all levels.  We need to make an effort (me especially) to connect with people and once we connect stay connected.  It’s called maintenance.  (Dad, I bet you could tell all of us what would happen if you decided to quit maintaining all those buildings at work.)  Yes, I know it takes time (I know I have some somewhere), energy (maybe I’ll have more after Sasha is born), and effort (this means digging deeper), but isn’t it worth more to you to have relationship than to have something of less significance?

I hope that God continues to work on me in this area.  This is just so important to me.  I want to be a better person at relationship because people are so incredibly important.  God created people!  He made them important.  I want to take time, energy, and effort and invest them into relationship.  The dividends can only increase.  The value of the stock will not drop, unless we quit investing in it.  Pray on this and see if there is an area of relationship that you need to up your investment in.  It will be a good thing for you.  God has plans for relationship!