Quiet in His Love

It's been too long since I've hopped on here and shared my heart with all of you. Life, lately, has felt overwhelming, scary, anxiety-ridden. Things that normally don't get me worked up or cause anxiety in me have started to again. Strong anxiety and even panic attacks have been an on-again off-again thing with me over the years...even in my teens. Now, as a woman almost halfway through my forties, I feel as though I should be a "big girl" with a certificate of graduation from all things anxiety and fear. Honestly, I think sometimes my increase in age also contributes to my increase in anxiety and fear and "Oh wow, I messed up and can't do it over" moments. Why? Can I blame hormones? Maybe. Can I blame too much caffeine? Probably a contributor. Can I blame Satan? I imagine on some level I can. Can I blame...? Will placing blame help me in this moment? Unlikely. What will help me? Refocusing... Yes, refocusing. At least, it will help to some degree. Y...

Five months and one day ago, we held my dad's Celebration of Life. So much time has already gone by, and when I look to a future of days and months and years without my father, my heart nearly breaks. My father was a jokester, a challenger, a thinker, a pray-er, a servant, a comrade, a believer in Christ, and so much more. It would be impossible to capture all that was my dad here. Like all humans, my father was complex, unique, and knit together by the Creator of the Universe. Therefore, it would be an effort without end to capture him completely here, yet isn't that what I have set out to do... My dad set out to share his love and care with those he came in contact with, especially his immediate family. He hoped to minister to people staying in campgrounds. He hoped to buy an RV. He hoped to meet the needs of pastors at various churches through church-improvement projects. He had dreams, aspirations... He never stopped dreaming, seeking, searching for what God had for him to ...

Today, my dad would have been 68.5 years old. I have so many dates in my memory bank that it gets a bit crowded in there at times. We are not into celebrating half birthdays at our house, but it strikes me that maybe we should be. Maybe a half birthday is a chance to say, "I love you because..." Or, perhaps, to say, "I'm so glad I've had another six months with you. I'm looking forward to the next six." I think you get the idea. Couldn't we make half birthdays an opportunity to show love and appreciation to the "birthday" person? Not the hubbub of a birthday, but the sweet words and thoughts of genuine affection and appreciation. Perhaps, some of you do this very thing everyday already for your loved one or dear friend. However, if you don't take time to invest words of love and appreciation and joy regularly, maybe this idea is one worth considering. No, I'm not trying to add more pressure or another to-do to your ever-growing list...

Has is really been three months since my dad went Home? One fourth of a year has already passed without my father present. My heart aches to think of it. Thanksgiving has passed, and Christmas is quickly approaching. How will I get through it? How will we forge ahead without my dad's presence at the table? I simply don't know. If it's anything like the last few months, we will plod forward one little step at a time. And, as is often the case, time will swiftly move by us, unaware of our sorrow and questions and wondering. My dad was a thinker, a dreamer, a jokester, an encourager, a servant, and so very much more. I am thankful that God answered my parents' prayers and gave them me to be their daughter. Not all my memories are fond ones, but the vast majority are. My father was a man of great integrity with a strong work ethic and a heart for others. He was a great example to many. He passed on knowledge to many. He debated Scripture and politics. He found ways to engag...

It has been two months since my dad went to his heavenly home. My heart still hurts and my mind still frets. Life is not the same without my dad here to laugh with, to joke with, to dream with, to ponder and question and discuss with... His knowledge of so many things was only passed on to various people in snippets and segments, not whole volumes. Some may know how to hook up a washing machine or adjust a home air conditioning system or the finer points of our country's constitution because of my father, but the ins and outs of washing machine repair, proper vent openings, or the real purpose of a constitutional amendment will likely be lost on most of us. Can we dream about the perfect RV? Can we plan the ideal family gathering? Can we discuss boot camp in the 1970s? Can we find the quickest route from here to our favorite spot in Wisconsin? Can we hear the story one more time of driving cars out on the ice or hunting trips with Grandpa or getting white bell-bottom jeans covered ...

I imagine many of you, like so many others right now, have found a word for yourself or your family for 2021.  Not to be left behind in the dust, I have "found" a word for 2021 as well.  My word is renewal .  According to Webster's 1828 dictionary, the word renewal means: 1. The act of renewing; the act of forming anew; as the renewal of a treaty. 2. Renovation; regeneration. 3. Revival; restoration to a former or to a good state. I like the idea of renewal for my life in 2021.  With so much craziness and uncertainty and confusion in the world right now, I could use some renewal in my life, my mind, my spirit, and my heart.  Indeed I could.  My physical body needs some renovation through exercise and better food choices and better sleep patterns.  My mind needs to be renewed and restored to it's focus on Christ through the regular reading of His Word and through regular prayer and worship time.  I need renewal in my relationships.  I have str...