Quiet in His Love

How has it been two years? Two years without your laughter, your corny jokes, your deep wisdom, your encouraging words...two years without your meal time prayers, your hugs, your special knock on the door, your dreams of the future...two years without you. How can it be true? We have gone through the seasons, through birthdays, through holidays, through ups and downs...all without you. You are experiencing things beyond our imaginations, and we are experiencing life in a new form, a new way. Heart hurts, belly laughs, new memories made...all without you. I know that the pain will lessen...it will become easier... At least that's what I'm supposed to believe. The truth is that if I let myself think too much about how you left us, my heart will not be at rest, peace will flee. When will I have peace? When will life be okay without you here to share in it with us? When will I trust the goodness of God again with my whole heart? You are missed. You have left behind a legacy - a her...

I have undergone many changes in my life in the last two years. Can you relate? It has been a series of trials and little joys and amazing accomplishments and deep sorrows. Life has turned one way then another and twisted back around again. There has been one constant, even when I don't feel or see it. God has been with me at every turn, through every valley, on every mountaintop. I have struggled with this. So many scars exist in me. The most painful today is the loss of my father. I have had many David moments over the last almost nine months. Mostly the angry, questioning, confused David moments. The moments where it takes all my strength and my tiny bit of faith to say, "God is good all the time." Or, "I trust You." These are truths that I have a hard time admitting, yet I cannot lie. Admitting your struggles and your fears and choosing vulnerability helps expose those deeply hidden things to the light of the Son. And in that light we can see more clearly. ...