Quiet in His Love

I am amazed at how quickly the last year and a half went by. I sometimes wonder how I meet each day knowing that the only way I'll see my dad is in a photo or a thought or a dream. I'll only hear him in my memories or dreams. It saddens me to think of all the opportunities that have gone by for my children to interact with their grandpa, for my mom to tell my dad a quote from the book she's reading, for me to hear his signature knock on our front door. Yet he is already home with his grandchildren, his father-in-law, his mother-in-law, and so very many others. He has seen things we struggle to imagine; he has joined the cloud of witnesses. He is now cheering, along with them, as the rest of us continue our race. Knowing that today was coming made me a bit sad. So this morning, rather spur of the moment, I decided to find ways to celebrate and honor my dad. The first way we honored him was by getting chocolate shakes - made with chocolate ice cream and chocolate syrup - the ...

Eleven months have passed since that awful day that we had to say goodbye to my dad. So many days I am still overcome by strong emotions and the loss of hoped-for experiences. I am so very thankful for all the wonderful experiences I did have with my dad, and he had with my children and my husband. My joy has shriveled into a tangled mess of hurt, sadness, confusion, and, occasionally, anger. The truth is that when I say I'm okay...I'm not...not entirely. I'm broken...heartbroken. I'm treading water, staying afloat. I put on a brave face and step into the world and live, but the living isn't quite as joyful, not quite as carefree as it once was. The last two and a half years have been full of challenges, hurts, heartaches, unexplainable craziness. So many are hurt, scared, treading water. They may be experiencing loss, anxiety, fear, confusion, financial troubles, medical concerns, family upheaval. Our prayer list seems to grow weekly, if not daily, with another...

" The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow / Bet Your Bottom Dollar That Tomorrow There'll Be Sun..." How many of you know that song? Some of you now have the tune and the words stuck in your head. You are welcome. I am not confident in this moment that the sun will come out tomorrow...because tomorrow is my dad's birthday. His first birthday in Heaven. The first time we celebrate to honor his memory not to celebrate with him. Tomorrow, he would have turned 69. So young really. So much to give and share. Yet, tomorrow, instead of smiles and laughs and presents, there will be tears and stories and lasagna and green olives and chocolate cake and ice cream. The reality we have faced so many times over the last 10+ months will, yet again, sink in anew. Another first without my dad here in our presence. Starting with my mom's birthday last year, we have had to celebrate without my dad's smile, without his silly puns and antics, without his heartfelt compliments and encoura...