I often wonder, when these time markers roll around, how time has gone by so quickly. 13 months have gone by since my father's death. It seems unreal. I wish it were.
Time markers have a way of sneaking up on us, both bad and good. It seems like time is creeping along at a snail's pace and then I look up and see my firstborn...almost 14, in ninth grade, full of questions, worries, and amazing potential. I remember trying to convince her to crawl...and walk...and eat baby food...and all the things. Encourage bravery...cheer on victories...rave over accomplishments.
Today marks a 24-hour period in time that will come and go like so many other 24-hour periods. It marks 13 months since my father's heavenly arrival...2 weeks until my firstborn son's 12th birthday...20 days until my firstborn's 14th birthday...27 days until my youngest daughter's 11th birthday...and the list goes on. This 24-hour period will never mark the same significant moments ever again because time will move forward and the time markers will change. In one month, when it has been 14 months since my father's death, the stats will be all different, yet the significance of the day will still be powerful.
How am I to encounter these time markers without sorrow over moments not shared? And memories not made with my dad? These questions may never have clear, helpful answers. The ache and hurt and sadness come at different times in varying intensities. The anger, the confusion...they are still present.
I need to find my trust again...uncover my faith...revisit my remembrance stones of God's goodness.
I need to enjoy and celebrate and relish the memories and moments I had with my father...we all had with him.
In the process, I pray I will find my trust...uncover my faith...remember God's goodness.
I pray you will too, friend.