Freewriting 7-23-2018

I am looking forward to having peace in my life.  Overwhelming, overflowing, everlasting peace.  Peace that envelopes me from the minute I wake up until I close my eyes for the night.  And dreams full of peace.  God-given, God-touched peace.  Oh yes!  That is what I am most looking forward to right now.  Peace in my mind and my heart.  Peace that I know is flowing through me because the tension is gone from my shoulders and the headaches are gone.  I can sleep through the night and not be awake reading or doing puzzles off and on throughout the night.  Peace!  Such a glorious, and to some, simple thing.  Yet, to me, it feels, at times, unattainable.  Just out of reach.  The needle in the haystack as it were.  Oh why can’t peace surround me, engulf me, cover me?  Why can’t I hang my hat on the peg of peace every night before bed and get up in the morning and put it on for the day?  What a joy that would be!  The knowledge that it’s there on my very own hook just waiting for me to get up in the morning and put it on for the new day.  Could a new day ever flood my heart with excitement at what is around the corner again?  Or am I destined to always be in a place of turmoil, fear, worry, doubt, anxiety, stress, etc?  Can my heart be flooded with the peace that passes understanding?  Can it truly be still and know that He is God?  It feels as though the struggles will never fade, as if the day-to-day will bring me down, as if life is full of too much yuckiness for me.  It’s so very sad, but feels so very true to me right at this moment.  How can I go on in this way?  Only by God’s grace and through His care for my tired, worn-down soul.