A New Beginning
I have been the one recently to not want to be vulnerable with those around me. I have been through many acquaintances and even some friendships that have burned to the ground for one reason or another. Sometimes I was to blame for some of the breakup, other times I was at a complete loss as to why this or that relationship had to come to an end. In either case, the hurt was real. What do we do with the hurt? Do we put it in a box on the closet shelf to save for later...just the right time to take it out and look at it and have a good cry with our bowl of cookies and cream ice cream with chocolate syrup and a warm brownie? Or do we kind of just wear it as a new blouse...see my new shirt full of holes and pointing fingers and band-aids? The thing that I do is withdraw and regroup. And live in fear. Fear? Yes, fear. Fear that there never will be the right relationship...that dreamed of, sought after, always just right relationship. The truth is that I don't want to put myself out there. I have with the wrong people and they've run far, far away. Is that really the person that I was meant to be friends with. Unlikely...but in that moment the pain and shock are real.
Isn't it nice to know that God knows what we need, when we need it, and will never run away from us? On the contrary, He pursues us wholeheartedly. He wants a relationship with us. We need to remember that always! When the going of life and, particularly, relationships gets tough, we need to hang on to the assurance that God wants a relationship with us. That should be number one on my awareness radar! He wants to know me and me to know Him. When my relationship with Him is on the right course, then the longings for dreamed of friendship can become prayers to a Father who loves me and knows me best. He knows the longings of my heart and the fears of being vulnerable and abandoned. He knows me inside and outside better than I do. And He's got the big picture to consider too. I can only see just a teeny bit of what He sees! And my teeny bit becomes my focus instead of Him being my focus. Keep your focus aimed at the right person, friends!
I have been going through that throw in the towel, forget this phase until recently. I don't know if the Holy Spirit lit a fire in me or what happened, but I decided to put myself "out there" again. It feels like the umpteenth time, but if it was prompted by my Father, then I know it's going to be good. And it has been. I have started doing three new things in the last month.
I've started attending a once-a-month group for homeschool moms, a weekly group with lesson for moms, and my husband and I are attending a weekly marriage class. Going outside my comfort zone is NOT fun, but connecting with other people in even little ways is a blessing to my sometimes parched-feeling landscape. A little trickle of water can lead to a great source of refreshment. A new beginning has come to this blog and will continue on here. It was prompted by a conversation I had this past Tuesday morning with the other three moms at my table. They were very encouraging to me regarding finding the balance of motherhood and pursuing my God-given talents. One lady really encouraged me to consistently write and so much more. It was truly a God-ordained moment in my life for me to really hear what was being said to me. God does use those around us to speak to us in meaningful ways. And He did that for me this past Tuesday! If I had continued on in my pursuit of the perfect cave and decor for my hermitage, I'd have missed out on a God-moment meant just for me. They have come from two of my three new groups. Moments, gifts, delights for me from my Heavenly Father. He has seen the parched landscape of my heart and life and has started the trickle. He has a great plan for me, and He has the same for you!
Call on Him...get your cup of tea or coffee, curl up in your favorite chair, grab your copy of the greatest Book ever written, and take at least five minutes to dive in. Get the trickle...savor it. Next time make it ten minutes and bring your notebook and pen along...be still and listen...and take notes. He is waiting for you to take that deep, cleansing breath and...call on Him...