Hidden Away

I'm snug in my big chair in my room while my husband is out in the living room with our four kids.  It was one of those days where I knew I needed some alone time.  My husband is so sweet and is very giving in terms of letting me have time for writing or thinking or praying or crying or whatever it is I need on any given occasion.  I've been reading a book by Lisa Whelchel entitled Friendship for Grown-Ups.  I'm thoroughly enjoying the book, if enjoyment is the right word.  Since my husband and I have returned to my home state over 13 months ago finding friends has been a struggle for me.  This book speaks to so many things I have gone through in my life and my friendships.  Vulnerability is necessary, but it isn't necessarily "safe."  How do we find friends that we can feel safe with, that won't share our secrets, that want to have the same level of relationship that we desire, etc.?  Where is that person (or those persons)?  It feels kind of like that same question you go through when you think you've found the man you want to spend your life with - does he like me the way I like him?  In this case, does she want to invest the same amount of time that I do, will she protect my secrets, can we look forward to 5 or 10 or 20 years of friendship?  I think I'm scared!  Why?  I've been burned before.  I've failed to live up to someone else's standards, I've been low on investing/high on taking, I've been the last one picked for the cool-girl friendship circle, I've been the one they've whispered about, I've been the one that doesn't wear makeup so there must be something wrong with me, and the list goes on.  I've been the one in junior high that was pushed, spit on, ridiculed.  What asset could I possibly offer anyone?  What treasure could I give?  The truth is that God is at work in so many areas of my life right now.  He's honing, pruning, watering, growing, nipping, and cultivating me.  I feel called to new behaviors, to new, scary (for me) avenues, to deeper things, to growth.  At 33, it's a bit daunting to realize that maybe I haven't even begun to reach maturity.  How is that possible?!  God knows my heart, my giftings, my uniqueness; He gave them to me and has a plan for all of them!  I can only pray and thank Him that He has an amazing plan for me and for my friends.  They're out there!  I think I've found them - now I have only to invest in them, get to know them, hear their hearts.  What a blessing!  I thank God that I can be the friend that they need - the listener, the giver, the pray-er, etc.  Thank you, Father, for allowing me the privilege to be a part of another woman's life as her friend.  What a priceless treasure that is!